I will always Love my Mama

By Cassandra Freeman

On Mother’s Day most people spend the day with their Mother if they can, if they can’t they send their Mother a card or some Flowers. Some may take their Mother out to dinner or prepare her favorite meal. In general, they hold that day special and show their Mother how much they care.

So many people take having a Mother for granted. One day a year is not enough time to honor your Mother if she cared for you and was there for you in your life. There are people who have never met their Mothers or had an abusive mother, these people can only envy those who had a loving and caring Mother.

I always longed for a close relationship with my Mother, but it wasn’t until she was diagnosed with Cancer and ask me come to come home to take care of her that we were able to begin a dialogue that would last over 7 months and lead to us coming to a point of mutual respect. A week before she passed away for the first time in my life she told me she loved me and that she was proud of me…I cherished that moment but at the same time I felt cheated that a whole lifetime had got by without us being able to love and enjoy each other’s company. Don’t get me wrong she taught me many things throughout my life how to cook and Sew and keep house (she was a housewife) she made sure I was well rounded she was my Girl Scout troop Leader and she introduced me to modeling at a young age, we just weren’t close no hugs and kisses, no I love you’s she couldn’t give what she didn’t know how to give, I know that now.  But she and I made our peace on my Birthday a week before she died.  She passed away in 2008. People often don’t know what they have so they don’t appreciate it. I have lost two children I never had a Mother’s Day with either one, and for many years because of the strained relationship I had with my Mother I wasn’t always able to be with her on Mother’s Day. When I had my Daughter Candace I gave her all the love I felt I never received from my Mother, we have a beautiful, and loving relationship. I always gift her on Mother’s Day because she is the reason I have to celebrate.

Many women have children and abandon them or abuse them or simply don’t love them. Should they be honored on Mother’s Day I don’t think so a Mother is so much more than just someone who gives you life. I am so grateful that before my Mother passed on to glory we were able to come to an understanding I was able to realize she loved me the best she could. All those years I felt that my Mother didn’t love me I was wrong she was just disappointed with the choices I had made for my life. When she told me on my Birthday the week before she died that she loved me I asked her why she had been so hard on me and she told me that she felt I was her child with the most potential and I had chosen a lifestyle that disappointed her and that she often prayed I did not die out in the streets. In that moment I forgave every harsh word every disappointed sigh I understood, just like I wanted the best for my daughter so had she, she gave me all she knew how to give, even if it wasn’t what my spirit needed. She loved me I still struggle with some of the things that happed between her and I while I was growing up, but as a Mother myself I understand a lot more now. When she felt I was unable to keep my Daughter safe because of dangerous lifestyle, she kept her and she showed her all the love I had always wanted. So if you are blessed to still have your Mother in your life that you claim you love, don’t give flowers tomorrow and a stank attitude on Monday. Don’t forget to thank her when you are winning in life and only call her when you need something LOVE HER EVERYDAY no matter what. Give her your best love remember she is loving you with all the Love she knows how to give. Some people like myself would give everything I have to have one more chance to just to tell my Mother I love Her one more time. As the tears roll down my cheeks I wish she could see what I have done with my life and tell her I changed because of the Love she showed me at the end of her life. I wish she could hear me say I Love you Mommy and I finally understand. So, Love your Mother with your best love for as long as you can, she won’t always be with you ….I Love you Mommy Happy Mother’s Day in Heaven.